A Book Review: "The Art of Gathering" by Priya Parker
I feel late to the game and yet, right on time with finishing up ‘The Art of Gathering: How We Meet and Why It Matters’ by Priya Parker last week. I know this book was published back in May of 2018 but as books do, they show up when you need them. And Priya Parker is out and about these days making the rounds on podcasts talking gatherings in current/post COVID times, she hosted Brene Brown’s new book launch (did you order ‘Atlas of The Heart’ yet?) and her resume is full of peace processing, race relations and community connections as a strategic advisor and facilitator
I will say I thoroughly enjoyed some parts of the book while also feeling like it went on for a bit too long. I was astonished how much one can write about gatherings, events, planning and such - it does make you realize how deep and how committed to this work Priya is. Her background is a really cool story line - as she was raised in a traditional Indian home by her Mother and a separate home (due to divorce) by her Conservative Evangelical Father - she said she was primed for conflict resolution and I did find that amazing.
Parker says, “Gatherings crackle and flourish when real thought goes into them, when (often invisible) structure is baked into them, and when a host has the curiosity, willingness, and generosity of spirit to try.”
I wanted to share my notes I underlined and definitely took away from the book here:
Knowing your why for any gathering and being willing to disrupt the status quo. Think baby showers, wedding rituals (the whole wedding, really), outdated religious traditions, a dinner party to name a few….
The language of generous exclusion was a chapter I had to read again as in this time, it didn’t seem to land. To exclude? Is that not everything we are working to eradicate in spaces and places both online and offline? However, no. There is a sacredness when exclusion is generous and I will say my late Grandmother was a master of tradition design when planning our holidays with a major nod to generous exclusion.
To be or not to be a chill host? The answer is to NOT. Structure and timing and leadership create the experience. I believe this.
Know when to close it and know how to close it. I loved this part as often times parties just kind of fade or fizzle out but an intentional closing question, closing time or closing farewell is potent to seal the intention (the why) you created at the start.
I loved this a-ha moment to share:
“We get lulled into the false belief that knowing the category of the gathering—the board meeting, workshop, birthday party, town hall—will be instructive to designing it. But we often choose the template—and the activities and structure that go along with it—before we’re clear on our purpose.” -Priya Parker, ‘The Art of Gathering’
I would recommend this book to event planners, studio owners, marketing teams, small business owners with a focus on retreats and workshops, definitely wedding planners and self proclaimed dinner party hosts for sure. Everyone else, you can listen to her on Brene Brown’s podcast with a 2 part pod on ‘How We Return’ or On Being with Krista Tippet and grab a different book at the library!