An Open Letter to my Creative Void

Dear Void,

Hello void. It is me Jacki, the one you have been shadowing the past few months. I wanted to acknowledge your presence, speak to you directly, let you know that I know you are here.

While I believe there are many different voids we can go through in this life, I feel you deepest and currently as my creative void. More or less likely from the loss I experienced this year, like a domino effect or the saying ‘what it rains it pours….voids’. And while I want to blame you and label you as a block, today I realized that’s not the way. You are here to show me something, less like a block and more like a portal.

So I say to you dear void, what is it?

What do you want me to know?

In the midst of the blank sheet that feels like my brain, usually buoyant and bursting at the seams with ideas and possibilities and goals on goals, what is it you want me to feel in this blank?

Do I start over? Is that actually even real, not sure I believe in starting over more so than starting again and again and again.

Do I move? How do I move - geography, spirit, mind, body?

I feel impatient waiting for your answer. To be honest, I have never been great at patience. And in this waiting, I am curious where I should be placing effort, if any? Do you need me to show up half way?

I always loved in the book, The Alchemist by Paulo Coehlo how when the protagonist is on his way to his destiny, the alchemist tells him that he will be challenged three times to make sure he is truly committed. 

How do you challenge one in a void?

Another void? Oh please not another one?

I declare today that I will no longer complain about you, creative void. I will embrace the moments that you offer, the space between is how it feels. And I will listen for the answers. A game of hot and cold would be helpful, if you were looking for ways to communicate - you know, hotter, hotter, nope now colder. An option.

Thank you for the space, the frustration, the resistance.

I’m ready when you are.

Love,

Jacki Carr