I Have Always Said, Goals are a Form of Hope. Brené Brown agrees.
I recently finished reading ‘Atlas of the Heart’ by Brené Brown (you can read my book review here) and loved her section on hope. This quote has stuck with me since reading the chapter, “We need hope like we need air” and her three-tiered approach at how we access hope. She speaks to 1) the ability to set goals, 2) the perceived pathways to make those goals a reality and 3) our agency - our belief in ourselves as the trifecta of hope.
The following chapter speaks to the emotion of hopelessness which occurs often when the goals don’t happen, perhaps we only had one path mapped out versus the other 82 possible ways and then of course, the power of believing in ourselves as intrinsically connected to how a goal comes to fruition and thus how hope is sustained (and even how we keep learning hope).
So back to hope!
As you know, I am a strong believer in setting goals, writing them down, reading them out loud, sharing them with your people and even a stronger belief in moving towards them, failing them and editing them as needed. Goals are a form of hope.
First things first, what is a goal?
Some of you already clicked to the next article because talking about goals can feel so far away right now. I get it. I do. And those that stayed, let’s define the word goal so we have agency in our language and agency in our practices.
A goal is an outcome, desire or result that you create in alignment to your values, inspired by your vision and with a date on it to support momentum, movement and accountability to who you are becoming.
This is my own working definition. I highly recommend you check your language here and make sure you know the meaning of the word ‘goal’ and check to see if it has been defined for you by someone else. This is important to create a connection to a practice, an exercise and your own confidence (there is that agency again). Your words matter, especially what your words mean to you.
Now of course, my definition has some work in it. Do you know what your core values are? Do you have a vision for the future so your goals are set in possibility not reactivity? Are you bold enough to set a date on a goal or are you going to keep saying ‘one day’? And did you know that you are not your goals yet? Goals are a becoming.
Okay let’s talk about these pathways to goals. I call this goal mapping in my own practice. This is literally just like a map - rarely ever is there one path to a destination on any map, you have a network of options to choose from. The long route, the scenic route, the shortcuts, the straight shot….you get it. Same in life, we have choice, we have options, we have different paths to get to a goal. And damn this part because most of my goals lately are taking way longer than expected and that is the way some times. When we have this perspective, I find it loosens the grip on goals. We can explore and stay curious on all the ways a goal can happen and this might actually include changing the bold date up there or re-evaluating if you failed a goal and what happened. This is all a part of it, rarely ever do goals happen just as we expect. Kind of like life.
And lastly in this hopeful approach, we talk about beliefs. The ability to believe in ourselves is directly connected to how likely a goal will come to reality. I believe this. That is not in Brené’s book, that is in my book. I am telling you, the ability to believe in ourselves again and again is a practice, it takes effort. What do you have in place to support believing in yourself? Here is what I do: I work with a coach (many actually). I have affirmations posted all over this house and office. I read books to learn how to better be in my mind and body. And then I get in my mind and body through movement, clear communication and self care practices. I celebrate my failures out loud. I do hard things. I take naps. I ask for help, community matters folks. To name a few.
As you explore and navigate the beginning of this 2022 year, we are all beginners here by the way, know that hope is accessible and that, as Brené reminds us: hope is learned. And we get to keep learning how to hope - especially after the past tumultuous two + years. Be brave and set goals with dates on them, explore and remain open to the many different routes on your own life map and in the words of Journey, ‘don’t stop believing’ in yourself. God that last one felt cheesy but I feel like it is the most important so I’ll leave it as is.
I am here to support the hope. Explore my 1x1 coaching, my Goals Alive course is all about exactly this and my online community, and TOGETHER is a community for goals and support. Let’s disrupt the status quo and keep showing up in hope.